When God doesn’t answer your prayer

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This year isn’t over but we are definitely on the home stretch. There were times this year where I honestly felt like something new was around the corner. I just had this feeling. And to be honest, those few times I had that feeling not long after I met a guy.

The first of which I wasn’t head over heel for but he was a nice guy and I wanted to see if something would develop. Part way through dating him I felt like something wasn’t right. Like he was being shady. But when I questioned him, he said I was reading into things and he was just a private person. I still had no peace and a few weeks later I caught him out, he was cheating and seeing another person.

Not long after this I met another guy who was REALLY keen on me and told me he was putting all his eggs in my basket. He was going to up and move his life five hours south to live closer to me, find another job so we could make a real go of our relationship. Yet I wasn’t feeling it. I didn’t think of him or miss him like he did me. So I went to visit him and I broke it off.

Which brings me to now.. Both these guys I met on dating sites. But now I’ve deleted all my internet dating profiles. I’m left feeling like what is next? What do I do? I miss talking to guys. It was so easy to chat to someone online, strike up a new conversation. Yet now I’m left feeling kinda flat as we draw towards the end of another year.

You see I’ve stepped out in faith and feel like my prayers haven’t been answered. What do we do with this? When you thought it was your year, your time, but once again I’m at the same place I was at the beginning of the year… S T I L L S I N G L E

So as we get ready for this season of Christmas functions, New Years celebrations, family get togethers, work parties and so on. I think it’s ok to be aware that it’s a hard time, we won’t always feel happy. But I think it’s also good to realise this and make sure we spend time with the people we love rather than staying home or being by ourselves.

God hasn’t answered my prayer yet, but what we need to remember that it’s in His time schedule not ours.

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always the bridesmaid never the bride

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Always a bridesmaid

A few years ago 11 (yes you read that right, ELEVEN) of my friends got married in one year and I was maid of honour at 3 of them; March, April and May.
It was a crazy year. I think I caught the bouquet at two of these celebrations. This old wives tale didn’t help me in finding a man & getting a ring put on it!

Leading up to this time as each of my friends (especially the close ones) started to get engaged, I was dying inside. I wanted nothing more than to have my own partner, get married and start a family.

I remember driving to my sisters engagement party in tears. I was so thrilled for her but absolutely crushed that I was so far from this stage.

I spoke to a wise friend and just said I really want to go into this time with a true sense of joy and not one of bitterness.

Looking back on this time I can honestly say somehow I did have complete joy at each if these celebrations. I think at everyone I secretly hoped I might meet Mr Right! That didn’t happen but I certainly experienced my fair share of great wedding snaps & a handful of new profile pictures!

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single and she deletes all her online dating sites

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I’m on three separate sites (don’t judge me.. I just thought it was better to cast a wider net and hopefully give myself a better chance of meeting someone).

Then in the last few weeks this crazy idea came over me about terminating all three accounts. Not just taking a break so I could re-activate them when I came to my senses but deleting them all for good.

Then I thought to myself I must be mad, how else was I going to meet or find a man!? I don’t have any single friends to socialise with. None of my friends or family have friends who are eligible bachelors. I literally have no other way of meeting people.

If I was being totally honest I suppose having these online profiles was like my way of trying to control dating or finding a man. Searching through a catalogue of potential partners and judging them based on a few photos and how they had described themselves.

So I debated what to do for a few weeks until something snapped (I think it was the 56 year old, short divorced man who sent me a kiss) and that was it, I deactivate and permanently deleted all three accounts in a space of ten minutes.

Online dating

Instantly I felt a sense of relief. I’m not sure why because it wasn’t like I was inundated with kisses, waves or messages. But some of these profiles I set up at least five years ago.

Right about now you probably think I’m crazy! Or asking yourself why does she delete her best chance of meeting a potential guy to date?

For years I have said I wanted my relationship to be a testimony to God. But yet I still tried to help him and I felt like having these dating sites was like a crutch to fall back on.

FAITH

- believing in the unseen

- trusting for what you’ve always hoped for

Don’t get me wrong this isn’t for everyone and one day I might go back to internet dating. I also have had lots of friends who’ve met their current partners on these sites and some have married those they met online.

I actually do believe internet dating is a great way for singles to meet other singles. But for me right now I think this was the step I needed to take.

Change is as good as a holiday right!?

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nationalities??

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Whilst travelling I meet this guy (who looks identical to Avery from Greys Anatomy) with piercing blue eyes, olive skin & a body like he should be the next Kelvin Klein model.

Avery

We caught eyes and we said “hello” to each other.
I said “where are you from?” As I often do when I’m travelling. This guy then said “I’ll give you three guesses. If you get it wrong then you have to kiss me!”

Well I immediately wanted to say the three craziest and furtherest countries from where I thought he might be from.. “China, Zimbabwe and Antarctica”
I refrained and played the game.

I still lost and had to kiss this Angel.

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Posted in: Getting out & about

in denial

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No evil - girls

During my late twenties I told anyone who asked my age that I was in my mid twenties.

I hated turning 30. I couldn’t even bring myself to say the word “thirty” and the first card I got with the number 3-0 on it, I threw in the bin.

You see I had always wanted to be married by 25 and to have started a family by 30. I was so far from either of these things that when I turned 30 I wanted to skip the whole occasion and pretend it never existed.

Now I regularly say to anyone who asks how old I am, “how old do you think I am?” When they reply with 25 or 27, my response is “pretty close”. Then I change the subject.

I’m in denial, but it’s bliss.

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The picture of how life was suppose to be

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My picture went a little like this… Married with three children. A home filled with laughter and plenty of chaos. Lots home cooked meals shared with my family and friends. Annual family holidays. Birthday and Christmas traditions in full swing. Hours spent watching kids sports, school assemblies and a fridge full of the kids craft.

fridge-pantry

What the picture actually looks like… Single. Living on my own in a quiet house. The occasional home cooked meal, eaten on my own. Lots of holidays (mainly travelling solo). Hours spent watching tv series tucked up in a bed by myself. A clean fridge with a few neatly placed magnets.

What about you? Did you dream of a different life? Are you single again? Are you going through a messy divorce? Did life throw you a curve ball?

What do we do when the story didn’t pan out like we thought, hoped or imagined?

I think rather than wallowing in this place wishing life were different. We need to be thankful for where we are and what we do have.

So the above is true, but so is the fact that I have an amazing home. I am able to holiday and explore this big incredible world. I can have my nieces & nephews over for sleepovers. I can input into the next generation (through my field of work). I have the freedom to sit and watch tv if I want to. I have the time to cook (if I choose too). I have amazing friends and family who support me and an incredible job.

You see I might not be where I wanted to be, but I have an amazing life.

Perspective

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are you chasing?

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People are chasing lots of things these days… Life, money, sex, careers. Their dreams, a better life. God, friends, boys, summer, waves, tornadoes, a six pack, love, the perfect life…. I’m sure you could add a few to this list also.

I think there are some great things to chase. For instance your passions or your dream to be a football star, or an amazing parent. To live debt free or to leave a legacy. Your passion of helping people that might turn into your career as a nurse or a teacher.

I pursue a relationship with God because I believe He will guide me. I trust Him. I have faith that he will give me the desires of my heart.

woman-chases-manOne area I think many single girls have it all wrong is the area of chasing guys. I have done this many many times. Initiating contact. Being readily available. Sending texts to see how their day was. Asking other people to try and set me up with a guy. Trying to find out details about someone to see if they are single. Seeking out the singles at a party or wedding. Tell me I’m not a weirdo or the only one who has done this?

But I think it’s kinda engrained in singles to chase, to put yourself out there, sign up to Internet dating, speed dating, singles groups, blind dates or coffee with your Mums friend’s single son. Why? Coz we aren’t meant to be alone. We were designed to be in a relationship.

I read this quote recently and it really struck a cord with me “If he wanted to be with you, he would. If he wanted to call you, he would. If he wanted to talk to you, he would. When someone is into you they make time for you. No matter how good of a woman you are, you’ll never be good enough for a man who isn’t ready.” realtalkkim.com

This statement and a few others got me thinking about the opposite of chasing and the fact that nothing will keep me from the man who is for me. He will call. He will make time for me. He will come and seek me out. He will pursue or chase me. So I don’t need to chase, try to make it happen, run after or seek out guys. Does that mean I sit at home and wait for someone to come knocking on my door? Probably not. But it also doesn’t mean I need to chase guys who aren’t ready or meant for me.

It’s a freeing thought really.

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nothing has changed but EVERYTHING has

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I have been quiet for the last few months.. I was pretty low & feeling sorry for myself earlier this year.

Last year I gave up the dream of ever finding a man & getting married. I thought this was my lot in life and so I was trying to get on with life and there were definitely times where I was at peace with this. I saw some people in relationships that were hard and I thought to myself ‘id prefer to be single than with the wrong guy or having to go through what they are’.

You see I thought that’s what the verse “unless a seed falls to the ground and dies it will not produce a harvest” meant, to give up & let the dream die.

Alone it is just a single seed and will never accomplish anything more. But if it’s planted and dies it becomes much more.

sprouting-seed

If I was totally honest I didn’t want to stay as I was – no hope, no faith in things changing and alone.

So I did the only thing I could and that was to pray and ask God to give me faith that my current situation would change, hope that it WILL happen and to trust God to make a way.

And EVERYTHING has changed and nothing has. I’m still single but I honestly believe it will happen soon. It’s like the darkness has lifted and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have a peace about it all.

Of course I still have my moments, but 95% of the time I am in a great space.

If you are going through a difficult time I pray that God would replace your sadness with joy. Your heavy heart with a peace that everything will be ok. If you’ve lost all hope that God would give you the faith to believe that better days lie ahead.

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when all hope is lost

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forest

How do people pick themselves up when they can’t see the forest for the trees?

It’s a dark place, I’m not talking about depression. I’m talking about when the dream has diminished. When faith in the not yet seen has gone. And having no hope for what was once your hearts desire.

There is a proverb that talks about ‘hope deferred making the heart sick’.

What do we do with this sick heart? There is no medication or magic pill to help with a broken heart/ dream or desire.

The frustration as years go by and all those around you are getting married, or having babies.

Do we let the dream die or conjure up some hope that maybe this new year will finally bring about change in our circumstance?

This is where I’m at!

Totally flat.

And disappointed.

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It’s that time of the year

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alone Christmas

I have a love hate relationship with this time of the year. I love the spirit of Christmas. The festivities. The food. The parties. The presents. The singing and dancing. Father Christmas. Santa sacks. Kids opening presents.

But I know I’m not the only single that struggles with this time of the year. Going to family functions or parties alone. Buying gifts for other couples or families. Going to bed on Christmas Eve all by yourself. Being the designated driver. Not having a gift from someone special.

“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.. Couples everywhere. The saddest sight you’ll see is the singles alone on the street, hoping for someone to meet. Or a handsome fella for tea to make her night complete. Maybe this time next year will be filled with joy, when we all have our true loves kiss.”

It’s a tough season. Especially if you are newly single or if you have done many of them on your own. For some it’s a reminder that another year is ending and you are still on your own.

For me I know that I struggle at this time of the year, so I try to do a few things to make this season a little easier on myself…

  • I don’t have high expectations, so that I’m not disappointed if those expectations aren’t met.
  • I try to make the season about someone else. For many many years my sister was single. So during these years I tried to buy her loads of presents so that on Christmas Day she would feel loved and special. For you it might be about creating amazing memories for your children. Or making it special for someone going through a rough time.
  • I buy myself a few gifts (I often wrap them and put them under the tree too) Normally it’s a new outfit to wear. That always make a girl feel nice. Or I go and have a manicure or my hair done.
  • Spending time with friends and family rather than opting to spend time on my own.

What about you? Do you love this time of the year? Or do you find it tough?

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Posted in: Christmas