That question is often asked when you are getting to know someone. I know that there are many single parents who are looking for love and it’s not unusual to meet someone who has children.
When I’m asked “do you have any kids?”. My response is “hundreds and most of them have different Dads”
The reaction I receive is often quite funny!
I then follow up with none of them are actually mine, I just teach them for an hour or so and send them home each week.
Seasons come and go but for many singles it seems to be an unending winter of being on your own.
The sign that spring might just be around the corner happens on the rare occasion and a date or two may eventuate or sometimes it last for a few months. But then somehow winter is once again in full blown motion and with it comes the winter blues.
Then the holidays that creep upon us year after year. With Halloween over for another year. And Thanksgiving just around the corner, followed closely by Christmas. All times of the year when we would love to have that special someone by our side.
I think one thing that we need to remind ourselves of is that it is just a season, it’s not going to last forever. Rather than being down about it we can look on the bright side and try to see the positives.
Yes I’m single but this means my time is my time and I can do with it as I wish. Watch that TV series, eat chocolate in bed late at night, go to the gym at 7pm, cook dinner at 10pm, stalk friends on fb until the early hours of the evening. These things may well be different if we were married and had a family.
My money is mine. Ever noticed that dating can be expensive? Dinners, coffee’s, drinks, movies, concerts, the list goes on. So while you are single think of all that money you are saving. Or maybe you are spending it on holidays and why not travel the world, meet new people and have the best adventures while you can.
But I’m cold and lonely… Put on an extra jumper or grab a hot water bottle and catch up with a girlfriend (even if they are in a relationship – all girls need time for girly chats).
Life can change in an instant, so lets make the most of this single season because you never know this time next year life could be very different!
A few years ago 11 (yes you read that right, ELEVEN) of my friends got married in one year and I was maid of honour at 3 of them; March, April and May.
It was a crazy year. I think I caught the bouquet at two of these celebrations. This old wives tale didn’t help me in finding a man & getting a ring put on it!
Leading up to this time as each of my friends (especially the close ones) started to get engaged, I was dying inside. I wanted nothing more than to have my own partner, get married and start a family.
I remember driving to my sisters engagement party in tears. I was so thrilled for her but absolutely crushed that I was so far from this stage.
I spoke to a wise friend and just said I really want to go into this time with a true sense of joy and not one of bitterness.
Looking back on this time I can honestly say somehow I did have complete joy at each if these celebrations. I think at everyone I secretly hoped I might meet Mr Right! That didn’t happen but I certainly experienced my fair share of great wedding snaps & a handful of new profile pictures!
During my late twenties I told anyone who asked my age that I was in my mid twenties.
I hated turning 30. I couldn’t even bring myself to say the word “thirty” and the first card I got with the number 3-0 on it, I threw in the bin.
You see I had always wanted to be married by 25 and to have started a family by 30. I was so far from either of these things that when I turned 30 I wanted to skip the whole occasion and pretend it never existed.
Now I regularly say to anyone who asks how old I am, “how old do you think I am?” When they reply with 25 or 27, my response is “pretty close”. Then I change the subject.
I’m in denial, but it’s bliss.
My picture went a little like this… Married with three children. A home filled with laughter and plenty of chaos. Lots home cooked meals shared with my family and friends. Annual family holidays. Birthday and Christmas traditions in full swing. Hours spent watching kids sports, school assemblies and a fridge full of the kids craft.
What the picture actually looks like… Single. Living on my own in a quiet house. The occasional home cooked meal, eaten on my own. Lots of holidays (mainly travelling solo). Hours spent watching tv series tucked up in a bed by myself. A clean fridge with a few neatly placed magnets.
What about you? Did you dream of a different life? Are you single again? Are you going through a messy divorce? Did life throw you a curve ball?
What do we do when the story didn’t pan out like we thought, hoped or imagined?
I think rather than wallowing in this place wishing life were different. We need to be thankful for where we are and what we do have.
So the above is true, but so is the fact that I have an amazing home. I am able to holiday and explore this big incredible world. I can have my nieces & nephews over for sleepovers. I can input into the next generation (through my field of work). I have the freedom to sit and watch tv if I want to. I have the time to cook (if I choose too). I have amazing friends and family who support me and an incredible job.
You see I might not be where I wanted to be, but I have an amazing life.
Perspective
I have been quiet for the last few months.. I was pretty low & feeling sorry for myself earlier this year.
Last year I gave up the dream of ever finding a man & getting married. I thought this was my lot in life and so I was trying to get on with life and there were definitely times where I was at peace with this. I saw some people in relationships that were hard and I thought to myself ‘id prefer to be single than with the wrong guy or having to go through what they are’.
You see I thought that’s what the verse “unless a seed falls to the ground and dies it will not produce a harvest” meant, to give up & let the dream die.
Alone it is just a single seed and will never accomplish anything more. But if it’s planted and dies it becomes much more.
If I was totally honest I didn’t want to stay as I was – no hope, no faith in things changing and alone.
So I did the only thing I could and that was to pray and ask God to give me faith that my current situation would change, hope that it WILL happen and to trust God to make a way.
And EVERYTHING has changed and nothing has. I’m still single but I honestly believe it will happen soon. It’s like the darkness has lifted and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have a peace about it all.
Of course I still have my moments, but 95% of the time I am in a great space.
If you are going through a difficult time I pray that God would replace your sadness with joy. Your heavy heart with a peace that everything will be ok. If you’ve lost all hope that God would give you the faith to believe that better days lie ahead.
For the last six months I have watched 225 episodes of ‘Greys Anatomy’. I started from the very beginning. I was a late comer to watching this smash-hit tv series.
It has been a great love affair. I looked forward to getting home and watching the lives of Meredith and Derek, Lexie and Mark, Callie and Arizona, Cristina and Owen, Avery and April, Bailey and Richard.
I have laughed and cried with them. After Lexie and Mark died in the plane crash I was done and didn’t want to watch any more.
Why do we get so attached and get so drawn into fictional lives? Is it so we can live vicariously through these characters or so we don’t have to deal with the loneliness that is going on in our own lives?
Life isn’t always perfect, break ups happen, good people get sick. Friendships have their ups and downs. Love can blossom, but sometimes it withers and dies.
“The fairy tale might be slightly different than what you expected.
The castle may not be a castle.
It’s not so important that’s it’s happy ever after, just that it’s happy right now” Meredith (Greys Anatomy)
What makes you happy? Figure that out and start doing that?
I’m now up to date. I’ve seen all of the episodes from the first ten seasons.
So does anyone know when they release season eleven?
1) “Why are you single?”
If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me this I would be one rich person!
“I have no friggin clue! Maybe if you told me we’d both know!”
2) “Plenty more fish in the sea”.
We all know there are plenty of fish in the sea, but there doesn’t seem to be many singles near me looking for a relationship.
3) “It’ll happen when you stop looking”.
I stopped looking years ago and it hasn’t helped me yet!
4) “You must be too picky”.
This is just crazy!! I think if we dated/ married the first single that came along, this would be an absolute train wreck.
{For the record I’m actually super easy going and will pretty much go on a date with anyone. But thankfully right now I’m not married to any old douche}
5) “Don’t settle for just anyone”.
So now I should be choosy.. I thought you said I was too picky.
6) “You are still young, you’ve got plenty of time”.
Good point! But I’d actually really like to spend these “young” years in a relationship.
Oh and every year I get a little older & the body clock seems to be ticking.
7) “Have you tried online dating?”
Just about every dating site out known to man. Including apps, free sites, pay per month sites and none of them helped. Well apart from starting LOTS conversations with plenty of guys and adding numerous amounts of contacts to my phone.
8) “You just need to put yourself out there more”.
I’m not sure where “out there” is? But maybe if you could elaborate that might be a great start.
And as for “joining more groups”. I’m single, I’m not in need of more hobbies.
9) “I’m glad I’m not single, coz I’m not sure where I’d find a man”
Thanks for single handedly rubbing in the fact that you are in a relationship, you have no clue where to help me look and that I have no hope in hell of meeting someone.
10) “I’m engaged” or “Will you be my bridesmaid”
We are honestly happy for you, but all the while dying on the inside!
A few years ago eleven of my friends got married in one year and I was maid of honour at three of them.
It was a rough time, especially as all of my friends started getting engaged.
I’d love to hear any others you have or the statement you hear the most?